Friday, April 17, 2009

Going Bad

Recently, two of my close friends have had some major changes occur by way of their relationships. I’m not talking about a small break up or a bump in the road. These are significant occurrences that have created a permanent shift in their direction of life. Though each friend is in a different boat as to the specifics of their predicament, I’m finding many similarities in the general conclusion surrounding these situations. It really got me thinking about the tremendous wealth of people that enter into, and exit out of any given person’s life.
It’s remarkable to think about how people come and go within a lifetime. Those relationships that last, and those that don’t. People change, while others stay the same; and often it is the timing and rate at which we do so that dictates which relationships are the lasting ones, and which ones go bad. And maybe “going bad” is the wrong term here (so please, correct me if I’m wrong?), but it seems much like anything else that is natural in the world, things will grow and develop, sometimes infinitely and indefinitely, and others will bloom and die. Relationships seem to have a life cycle much like anything else. Life expectancy is the variable.
It is when people connect on at the base level, sharing similar fundamentals and ideals, that they can overcome any and all changes on either end of a relationship. Most people have a base that never really changes, though that person may experience life adjustments, or have to change their attitude towards a situation, the roots remain. This is true both for friendships and romantic relationships.
But even then, sometimes it doesn’t work out! What then, what the hell is the explanation there? Two people can be totally and completely compatible, and then one day, one of them finds someone else, decides they are unhappy, cheats, “falls out of love”, ect ect ect. It happens every day. It happened to two of my close friends this week. It could happen to me tomorrow. Se la vi no?
This is obviously quite a broad topic that would require much more elaboration. The scenarios are endless, as are personality types and philosophical viewpoints on which people establish relationships to begin with. This conversation is in no way being limited to romantic relationships either. I think the way in which friends, acquaintances, and friends of friends seem to all be tangled in a never ending incestuous cycle is by far one of the most fascinating topics of discussion. But that would be a book… maybe a library isle. It is however, a place to start.
Thoughts here?

1 comment:

  1. I believe no one has the right answer, and I do agree that it is definitely influenced by personal situations and philosophies.

    In my personal situation, with my personal philosophy, I believe that there does need to be that core of shared values, and more then that, there needs to be effective communication, and a reciprocation of something. I believe there needs to be something gained by each person in the relationship, and that those things need to be balanced. These gains can be a variety of things with indefinite value, something that is often seen is support, and in a variety of forms. For some relationships it's listening, money, knowledge, or networking. Another thing that can be gained is comfort, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. Often there's learning from each other - sharing of ideas and thoughts, learning a skill, communication styles, etc.

    I'm processing this as I write it, and I'm solidifying this belief in every relationships need to find balance in what each person in that relationship gives and takes in order for it to be sustained.

    There are some scenarios that people would question - What about the relationship that has one person visibly giving so much and one person isn't returning anything visibly, well I believe that some people may have this need to support others that is actually being filled. The measure is if they're both happy with their situation. Does the person being supported have this feeling of guilt and debt to their friend/spouse/lover/partner? Does the supporter feel used and unappreciated? At the end of the day, are they both happy with their situation?

    And as for relationships that were amazing changing, that happens when the balance changes, be it because of needs changing, or the ability of one person to give something that was fulfilling a need. Maybe this is why a lot of long distance relationships don't work out - the individuals are accustomed to gaining things from a specific relationship, and the distance changes what's possible to give and what's possible to receive. Physical affection is extremely difficult, almost impossible to maintain in a long distance relationship, and as humans, I think that's an important part of any close relationship. That might be my own bias, though.

    I don't know how much sense this all makes, but there it is.